Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
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