heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
