You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Randomize
