I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
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