Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
