Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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