if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Alive.
So much puke
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
