Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
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