he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Randomize
