Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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