bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
