I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
