Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
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You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
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My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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