Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
