I think my fart just growled at me.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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