At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
