put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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