Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
