The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
