No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
