remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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