I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
