I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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