I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
It was a blind-side dick pic.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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