mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
