I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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