A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
