i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
