Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
The beer is more important than you right now.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Randomize
