I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
