He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
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I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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