His hands were made for my vagina.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize