I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
