just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Randomize
