also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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