1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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