i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
