I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Randomize
