My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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