She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
