1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I still have a little drunk in my system
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize