i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
