found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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