I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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