dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
