I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
They have beer where we have blood.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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