debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
