So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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