And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
