Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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