That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
