whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
