I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Randomize
