Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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