I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
It was a blind-side dick pic.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
