so explain again why im purple
no
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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