Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
