No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
