I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
