the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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