and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
