Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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