He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
