I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Randomize
