So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
