just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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