she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
